I'M 21!!!!!!

Blackjack!
Finally, I'm legal worldwide. I really can't be as excited as I want to and get all 'Party like it's your birthday' because I have an exam in about seven hours that I should be studying for instead of playing hookie and writing this post. Ah well, sue me!

Every time my birthday comes around I am really grateful to my mother, who in addition to being absolutely the best mum in the world, had the most harrowing experience with Hyperememis Gravidarum while pregnant with me. If you have no idea what that is, you can check the link below. It is amazing how persons still think it is 'just morning sickness' and that further research isn't absolutely necessary. I have been researching this since my mum told me about her pregnancy and it is horrible. I've read stories about several women who made the agonizing choice to terminate the pregnancy because their bodies couldn't withstand it. http://www.helpher.org/hyperemesis-gravidarum/
There have been some strides but for my mother 21 years ago, she was hospitalized for months when the retching wouldn't stop, unable to eat and just generally weak as hell. I think when she gave birth to me, prematurely at that, she was just happy to be get me out so she could be well again.
Anyway... I am grateful to be here, I love her to death and she's been my biggest supporter in everything I do from my LLB to my writing.
I remember a couple weeks ago I was having an 'I-won't-get-a-first-class-honours-the-world-will-end' moment and she said to me so calmly, "That's okay dear - you are only a writer posing as a lawyer. Your first book deal will mean so much more than a first class.'
I love how she assumes I'll succeed, it's a given to her.
So on my 21st Birthday, I feel it necessary to dedicate these two songs to the most important person in my life!







So what's on the agenda today? At 9:00 AM I've got the lovely Discrimination in Employment Law... wish me luck. Then later tonight I am going to have one hell of a sushi fest. Heading to my favourite restaurant in an aim to eat 21 rolls whilst reading a novel on my Kindle. I am so excited. And well, since I am not totally antisocial I'll have some slices of pizza and ice-cream with my friends afterwards before getting back to *gasp* studying!
You know maybe I my treat myself to actually doing some plotting.
However mostly, I think all I am going to want to do is sleep. Okay, I gotta jet now, my allotted blog writing sneaky time has been up for fifteen minutes. My roommate / study buddy is gesturing for me to stop and head back to the books!!!

Tschüss!

My Muse has a Sense of Humour / Panic Mode

I turn 21 tomorrow. Yay, me right? Finally, legal everywhere in the world. Except, my first exam is tomorrow and because of several factors (which on their own would not have been too bad but combined together were almost apocalyptic) I missed an entire scheduled day of studying. Needless to say, my panic mode has been activated so quickly that I think I might have a bit of whiplash.

While this is all going on, I must admit that my concentration level is somewhere at a 4.5 or something. For every case I read, I swear I daydream for at least five minutes. Why? Well, it appears that my Muse other than being very prone to not turning up to Writing sessions that I've invited her too (without generally even the manners to decline my RSVP), seems to have a sense of humour. I have had no less than three very great plot ideas begging to be fleshed out in my mind and in my plot book. I mean I am not complaining, it is amazing to have plot ideas. I think my favourite part of writing is allowing myself to be dragged into the world and getting acquainted with my characters and their adventure. However, smack dab in the middle of the most important exam period of my LLB? As grateful as I am for the plots, I definitely cannot ignore the smack of irony. I imagine my Muse sitting in some bar rubbing her index finger along the rim of a glass of Chardonnay and saying to one of her friends, "So... I have devised the best scheme to drive my charge crazy."
My Muse has an attitude problem. But, better an attitude problem than no Muse at all right?

I have a slightly bigger problem than my Muse and her pranks though, in about 25 hours I will have my first exam marking the start of my final exam period as a Bachelors of Law student! There is that and the fact that the quality of my honours depends on it. These exams will determine whether or not I walk out of this school with a First Class Honour or an Upper Second.

So here's the plan... I've put on my favourite artists and I am heading back to those books with a cup-o-coffee :)...

Wish me luck.


Tschüss

I love Regina Spektor but I especially love this song "Apres Moi". Peter Gabriel's version is great as well. You should have a listen.



PS: I swear it took me fifteen minutes to figure out how to embed this video. With all that trouble, I really hope you enjoy it!

PPS: I have decided that my countdown 'til doom album companion will be Peter Gabriel's 'Scratch My Back'....

Rant

I should be studying. I really should. But, alas, on my thirty minute dinner break I decided to catch up on my celebrity gossip fix. This led me to an article on Yahoo about Reality TV stars' earnings for 2010. So did you know that Snooki got paid $32 000 by Rutgers University to deliver a speech last month? $32 000!!!! This is however not the part that completely right hooked me and all but left me sprawling on the living room floor in the most unlady like manner. Snooki, of Jersey shore fame, actually cashed in $2000 more than Toni Morrison was paid by the same University to deliver the commencement address. I'm flabbergasted at this. Of course, I am not precisely the most objective person because of my adoration for all things literary. JK Rowlings making billions off the back of her Harry Potter series, Stephenie Myers being uber successful along with the way Amanda Hocking has taken the literary world by storm (as corny as this sounds), I take their achievement personally. In my mind it is like Writer Pwr!!! I figure that writers are the most under-appreciated of the Creativity-R-U Fraternity / Sorority. So I'm tickled, well whatever colour a brown skinned girl gets tickled when she is pleasantly, pleasantly pleased whenever Writers come out on top. However, this is not just about my adoration for writing and books and writers. But heck, this is Toni Morrison - she has won a Nobel Prize and a Pulitzer prize... *sits back in defeat and stops trying to make sense of it*...

Tschuss.

Mid-Morning Rambles

Here are some things I did yesterday: I got myself up to date on all the particulars surrounding William and Kate's wedding on the 29th of April (I'm not ashamed to say it fascinates me, okay well fine a little bit). I started following Nina Perez on Twitter (you should too) and bought her book Rebirth off Kindle... then I proceeded to read the book. It was only around 5 dollars and it was worth every penny, I absolutely loved it. Couldn't put it down!
I also had an amazing Skype Call with a friend, to the tune of about an hour.
What did I not do?
Study.
This is why at 5:12 in the morning, I am not in my comfy bed but am rather sitting in the common room trying to get my focus on. Of course the fact that I am currently updating this blog shows that I'm not quite focused yet.
I've been thinking quite often about which of my three series I am going to devote all my time to this summer. I am in love with Arabesque but I have a feeling that 'Edge of Darkness' series probably deserves a bit of attention. I'm wondering if I could somehow work on both and put off 'Backtrack' for a later date.
Ah well, I have three weeks to sort this out and well, not FIVE days until my Discrimination in Employment exam.
I've completely got to jet now!

Tschüss!

I'm going to make it happen.

I've wanted to be a write for as long as I can remember. My happiest moments are spent creating characters and worlds and scenarios but I've always been way too shy and scared to really try to become 'a writer'. I mean, I dreamed - at night, during the daytime, during Spelling Class when I was seven and during Family Law last year. Dreaming is great, but it gets you nowhere. It will not complete the novels nor will it send manuscripts out to publishers. It definitely doesn't get my work out to more than a close circle of friends. It is 6:46 in the morning and I am about to delve into cases concerning HIV Discrimination and five minutes ago it hit me: I am going to make it happen. I am going to quit dreaming and I am going to work for it.
You may wonder what's the correlation between HIV discrimination and achieving my life long dream (not that I've been alive that long, 21 years is hardly an eternity :D ) a reality.
Simple.
My first exam (conveniently on the morn of my 21st year of existence on Planet Earth *cue subtle science-fiction theme music*) is six days away. It is Discrimination in Employment Law (definitely not the most interesting law course on the roster) and I want to pass it (duh!) furthermore, my Grade Goal Sheet has this course tagged for an A. In an attempt to secure my A, I'm not dreaming about getting one. I'm not going to bed at night thinking 'shucks, won't it be great if I got an A in this course' without putting in one iota of effort. Nope. Frankly, if I tried to do that, I'd be the first to say 'Errm...honey child, you head needs to be checked.". What I'm doing in the methodically going through the syllabus and studying. I'm reading articles, cases and am writing practice question. I think it is now time that I put the same amount of effort into my real dream as I put into my backup.
So yea... I am going to make it happen!! :).
Might be hard, tough, I might be demoralized along the way. But, I'm going to make it happen.


Tschüss

enter Real Life

I haven't posted in ages, and if I am going to be completely honest, there will not be much posting until the 13th of May (if my mental sanity endures until then). I had very high hopes of being the picture of efficiency this semester. Keep up on my readings, research my cases ahead of time... no cramming, actually attending classes. How did that go?.... well... nicht sehr gut. Hell, not very well is a complete understatement. All of my plans for this semester were epic failures. My first exam is in seven days, and let's just say it is going to take 3/4 cramming and 1/3 divine intervention to pull me through.
On the upside though, my plotting is coming along very well (generally at times when I should be contemplating things like Bona Fide Occupational Requirements and such). Hopefully, after I get this nuisance called school out of the way I can actually concentrate on writing. I hope.

Tchuss for now.

And oh yea... if you are by any chance on of my two readers *smile*... send up tons of well wishes for me. I am freaked that I might actually do dismally on my first exam which is ironically on my 21st Birthday... well, at least I've got sushi afterwards to cheer me up.

the Amanda Hocking effect...

You must have heard about her by now right? Well surely. If not check her out at www.amandahocking.blogspot.com. She's the JK Rowling of the e-publishing world. What the heck do I mean by that? Well, Harry Potter was an amazing success... more successful than any series has ever been much less a series geared at children. I strongly believe it was a one off thing. Or, if it is going to happen again, it won't be anytime in the near future. And this is precisely how I feel about what happened with Amanda Hocking and her kindle books.
I found out that it was possible to by-pass publishers and publish an electronic copy of your book on amazon quite randomly. I was going through a Kindle phase and was quite surprised that so many copies of the books were cheap. I literally had a three dollar budget unless it was something by Richelle Mead, Sherrilyn Kenyon, Janet Evanovich or James Patterson. When you finish a novel in a matter of hours, it is really sucky spending $7 on every book. I remember reading this one particular book that got really bad reviews and while I was browsing through the reviews someone exclaimed "This is why persons should go through publishers."Needless to say there was a discussion about the merits and demerits of what Amazon was doing. I wasn't paying much attention to the debates. My mind was buzzing. I thought, so I can write a ton of books and sell them for under two dollars, or ninety-nine cents or FREE and see what persons really think of my writing. If I have any sort of talent at all maybe these books might cause a publishing house to have a look at me. I was unaware at that time, and was to be unaware for about two more weeks (when I stumbled across Trylle) that Amanda had had the same epiphany with overwhelming success. After getting into reading her blog, she is definitely my role model (and it has nothing to do with the money she's made - it has everything to do with the fact that she had a dream, suffered through the rejections (with more grace that I would've) and found an alternative way to make her dream a reality. AND SHE DID!!!
I can't get it across how much I think her success is a one off thing, a lovely mix of various factors that meshed amazingly well together. Sitting here writing because I want to write the next Harry Potter or sell as many Kindle books as Amanda is just as pointless as sitting here hoping my ex would take me back :). Besides, I'm not sure any writer genuinely writes to be uber successful... there's this innate drive. Maybe I am just naive, but I believe most of us really write because this path in life chose us and we can't do without it.
So while I think her success is akin to JK Rowling's and isn't about to happen twice or anytime in the near future, I'm willing to see if the e-book route give me a leg up in this writing world. If not, I can say this much. That validation I was looking for? I will finally have hundreds of people telling me just what they think about my novels. That's almost enough to have me running for the hills. But this time I am going all the way.


Tschüss!!

... write about what you know

I can't tell you how many times I have heard this but it still gets me each time. Never mind the fact that I write urban fantasy, which means most likely I am writing a bit about things I know nothing about (except what I've researched) or things I've made up entirely... like my Tristles :). Writing about what you know takes on a whole different meaning when you are young, female, black and from the Caribbean. It is used by persons to challenge me when my books do not comprise of a young, black, female lead and set in the Caribbean. I guess that was all nice and easy to buy into back when I was writing what I thought 'I should write about' and not just whatever the hell I wanted to. So, I have completely decided to make my writing an adventure and attempt to write about everything I don't know.
Take Arabesque for instance (I have no idea what the book will be called, so I refer to it by the lead's name). This character is the only certainty in the entire book. I've got her race down (she's bi-racial) and her entire personality down (which is such a contrast from my own it is a bit of personality shock every time I spend time with her). She is only a certainty because I have modeled her in a good part after my 'niece' Kiwi, who is easily the most kick ass person I have met (even though she's only 10). I figure this says something definitely about the extent of her kickassness or is an affirmation that I need to go out more. I digress, so I've basically envisioned my ultra, kickass, sweetie pie in the next seven to eight years and kept some of her core physical characteristics and some of her personal ones then adapted them enough that it is not too obvious whom my inspiration was. Although I guess that was totally unnecessary since I've just outed myself to the two persons who read this blog :). Well, other than Arabesque everyone thing else will be picked out of a hat. I swear. I've printed several sheets of papers with things like: 'The Caribbean' "'Europe' 'Latin America' 'the US' 'Black' 'Mixed' 'White' 'Asian' 'Slender' 'Chubby'... you get the gist right? Either I am going to write a kick ass story, or fall flat on my behind and crawl back with a whimper to the adage 'write about what you know.' Until then this promises to be fun, so I've buckled up and am prepared for the ride.

Tschüss!!

... fear of failure

I remember when I finished my first book I was so anxious to get my editing on and send out query letters to Literary Agents. But halfway through editing, I guess I got my thinking on and scared myself shitless. So I stopped, put it away and decided to put it off until the next month and then the other and then the other.
As much as I continuously get agitated when I think of all the 'forces' which propelled me into a Law degree opposed to taking a couple years off school to attempt to jump start a writing career, I must actually 'fess up to the fact that fear propelled me a whole lot more than anything else. So yea, I've completed all of two books, several short stories and I dabble in poetry. But is that enough? Who knows? Am I willing to try? Because to risk following this dream (not in the half-assed fashion I have been), but to put my everything thing into it will risk me failing. You see, I am pretty sure I will be a good lawyer. If things go according to planned and I am able to teach 6th form (the equivalent of 12 grade, I think), I know I will make a great teacher. I do not have that some assurance with writing. Yes, I am extremely passionate about it. Yes, (as corny as this sounds) I believe it was my destiny that I was born to be a writer. I think I must have a bit of talent (I'll put is as Rebecca Black so maturely put it when interviewed about her song 'Friday', I just have to substitute 'singer' for 'writer', "I am definitely not the best[writer in the world, but I am definitely not the worst."
I understand the sentiment but as I sit here plotting my start to putting 310% into getting published, I am so scared. I am so scared that there is a bit of me whispering quite seductively, "Not now Rilzy... wait a couple years."
I think I have been listening to that seductive voice entirely too much to be honest. When I was sixteen it told me that I was completely too young to attempt to succeed. When I was eighteen, it told me that this was the time to focus on my degree. It is time for me to tell it to shut the hell up.
I might completely fail at this. But it will be worth it to say that I threw caution to the wind, put my heart out there and tried.

Two poets that I adore come to mind as I contemplate this.

Robert Frost:

The Road Not Taken, final stanza

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."


Langston Hughes:


A Dream Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?


I don't think I want to find out what happens if I defer this dream much longer. So, here's to trying *imaginary toast*.


Tschüss!!

the Fringe Effect!

I just realized belatedly than the Season Finale of my "most favourite show ever" happened last week. I'm not sure how I missed it to be honest, especially since I watched that episode at the edge of my seat. There's the bit of me that hopes maybe my 'googling' skills have diminished since the last time I employed them and that I am just pulling up inaccurate results. It can't be. As pathetic as it is I feel myself pouting. I'm addicted to several shows (and I don't think some of them do much for my 'coolness' rating) Fringe, Dr. Who (which is impossible to watch while I am away at Uni because the only British TV channel they rock here is BBC News. There isn't even BBC America, so I must suffer through), Warehouse 13 (new season starts soon!), Bones, all of the USA's original shows (and yes, I mean all) and One Life to Live... (can't believe I just admitted that in public). I think of all of these though Fringe appeals to my Fantasy loving soul. Every time I watch it, I sit there thinking that there is only one way the show could be better: if it were a book. Things always come right back down to that for me. I remember there was this campaign at home to increase the interest in reading in children. The gist of it was that your imagination can take you anywhere in the world you want to go, you can hang with anyone you want to hang with and the best way to exercise your imagination was through reading. I think it is right on. Possibly the only other thing that exercises your imagination like reading does is being an only child. I must tell you that when I got tired of going on covert secret operations with my imaginary friend (I've never be the imaginary tea sort of girl), I started writing about them. I still remember the first thing I wrote... a pretty depressing tale about a kid who was kidnapped after saying 'Hi' to a stranger; something that it was drilled in my head not to ever do. I mean even Barney endorsed it. Although looking back, in 1996 / 1997 in Antigua, the beautifully, amazing island that is home to me... the likelihood of me or the main character in my story being kidnapped by a stranger was slim to none. But, I digress. So this short story I wrote when I was six or seven involved a little boy being dragged away by a vagrant man after innocently saying hi. Looking back on my portrait of his kidnapper now, I've realized how stereotyping is ingrained in us from such a tender age. I mean after all Ted Bundy was not vagrant-like in the least. For some reason in my story-world, the Police Department had a special division comprised of six and seven year olds (because we were so much better at deducing certain crimes I guess :D) After the crime was called in, they rang in their specially Kiddie Task Force comprised of my two imaginary friends and my alter-ego and we solved the crime! :)
After my mum read this several things probably crossed her mind: God, my child needs some serious help or maybe she was thrilled that I had learned to take this not talking to strangers thing seriously. Whatever crossed her mind though, she encouraged to write down any of the stories that ever popped into my mind, no matter how "interesting" they were. And you know what, I've been doing it ever since. It has become a part of who I am.
Maybe I need not be so distressed that I missed the memo Fringe's season finale has passed. If I want some incredibly dangerous and fast paced fantasy based world to fall into., maybe I should call up my entire room full of new 'imaginary friends' and create my own.

Tschüss!!

writer's block isn't my only enemy..

... my degree is. Bloody LL.B. It is hard enough to write when you do not have to do acrobatic magic(k) tricks to find the time. I am finally at a good place in my writing. I am writing that book I have always wanted to write, the way I have wanted to write it because well now I realize that I can. But I still have 'life' to work out and my degree takes up such a huge part of it. In the next three weeks end of semester exams will start... the last batch of exams I take before I am awarded my LL.B. And yes, I want to ensure that I am leaving this place with First Class Honours. The problem is that I am in such a precarious position because of a C I managed to get in Real Property II two semesters ago sighs and makes sad face. I'm either going to get this First Class or a really high Upper Seconds. I intend to get it or die trying. pauses for dramatic effect. With this said, I am now putting in at least eleven hours of studying per day for the next month and a half or thereabout. It doesn't leave much time for anything else I enjoy. No writing, definitely no gym (and I have a slowly extending tummy to prove) and I barely squeeze in half an hour with Rosetta Stone every day to improve on my German (something has got to give right?). So what do you do when you've got so many things competing for you time? How do your prioritize? Despite what people think, I do not believe that this LL.B is any more important than working on Arabesque or any of the other novels in my mind, or my poetry of my journal. It is just that (and this how I ended up getting a Law Degree to begin with) the LL.B is practical. Let's face it... I won't make money from writing. I do not intend to make money from writing. And I am completely fine with that. Writers do not writer to become rich and or famous. Or as my Creative Writing Mentor has said time and time again, "No writer who has written slowly with the intention to get rich and famous and not from a genuine love for the craft will ever make it. I agree with her. I guess I want to be published so badly because I want my writing to be validated. If a complete stranger were to read one of my novels and say to me, "Damn I liked this story", I'd be beyond Cloud 9. I'd hop on that back elevator that not many people know about and glide right up to Cloud 20.
So considering my passion in life isn't likely to support me, I needed a career - I needed something to pay the bills. I guess the major question I still struggle with is: why Law? It is not exactly the laid back career which will leave a lot of extra time for writing. But what can I say, I was making this choice when I was seventeen: the thought of being a Lawyer seemed uber cool and I got in, so I ran with it. The fact remains is that, although it is not my love but a spawn of my practicality, I am here and I am not the type to do a half assed job at anything. So how do I manage 'going hard or die trying' for my First Class Honours and actually working on my First Draft of that Novel I have finally garnered the courage to write. The answer is apparently a lot more simple than I thought - it involves a Redbull, fierce willpower, determination and a couple less hours of sleep.
Wish me luck.

Tschüss!!